i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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