Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
