i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
