Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
