hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
