I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
