Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
