i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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