Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
