One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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