How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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