Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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