we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
