Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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