just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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