Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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