New low: just hacked my moms facebook
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
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