I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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