my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
