put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
