You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
