Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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