the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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