Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
