So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
