he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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