dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
