11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
