Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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