im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
