Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
