rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
