I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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