Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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