Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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