I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Randomize
