my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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