yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
