There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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