A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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