hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
