Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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