so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i came on her dog
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
