I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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