Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
