this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
