question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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