There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
