no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
