Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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