Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
