did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
My brain says no but my pants say off.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
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