Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
