Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
