i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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