after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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