she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize