you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize