ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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