I can text with my tongue
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
