Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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