i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
