he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
