did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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