sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize