what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
