haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize