Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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