apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
