what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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