I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
