nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
