Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
She announced her abortion via fbk
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
