John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I have feelings that need drinking.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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