we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
