Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i just had sex bonerless
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize