I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
