if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
