I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize