I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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