Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
