the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Randomize
