I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
