The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
