it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
foreskin is a definite game changer
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
