his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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