if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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