can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
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