all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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