She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
