You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
