My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
