ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
