i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
