He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I forgot how hot balto sounded
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
