i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
