I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
