happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
