I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
