I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
