I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
