help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
