great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
