College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I am naked and annoyed.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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