he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
So squirting runs in the family.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
