Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
