How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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