The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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