you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm just crazy horny about you
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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