she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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