When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize