First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
