I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
