im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize